20-something dumped Investigation Time
Before we continue on the healing train, I want to clarify that all of this stuff I’m sharing is reflective. I’m not in the midst of it, I’m not in the thick of feeling all of these things, it’s me looking back at it. Digesting it for a second time and sharing the parts I feel are most relatable to others. The response of this series has truly been touching. It’s wild to me that my messy details could be so relatable to so many people. Just goes to show we’ve all experienced the rug being pulled out from under us at some point. Perhaps, multiple times, amirite? It’s what we do when we notice the rugs gone. This breakup journey is not straight, nor is it even remotely patterned in any sort of way. The breakup phases I came up with are the only way to describe it that makes sense to me.
Being dumped is like being handed a bundle of wires, of all kinds. Thick, thin, metal, string, all types. Then, you’re asked to unravel everything. Figure it out, get everything in order, separate it, work at it, focus, keep your mind and body right so you can concentrate at this important task at hand. Healing. That’s how this (particular) break up feels to me. Like trying to unravel a bundle of string made up of over 50 kinds of material while working with a self imposed deadline of tomorrow to get everything sorted.
On the other hand, it also feels like he is just on a business trip and going to come home at some point. Wha wha whaaa, I know what you’re thinking, “oh shit, that’s sad.” I know sorry but a ball of wire and feeling as tho my love is just away on a business trip are the two most relevant analogies I’ve got for ya at this point. I’m curious to see how the analogies evolve over time. Analogies to me help me make sense of my feelings. That, and poetry.
For today’s breakup phase, besides the rambling above and the wonderful remedies listed below, all I’ve got for you is a journal entry from June 3. This was about 2 weeks post breakup bomb drop. One thing I know for sure is how fucking glad I am that I was eating thai food the night of the breakup. Cause I fucking love thai food. It made it….more cozy? A cozy break up? Yeah…
Written in my journal Sunday June 3 2018
‘I miss the fuck out of him. Even though I’m confused and super sad and pissed off he didn’t want to give it a good GO. He told me he hasn’t been happy for the last three months and that he is so sorry. He went on to explain that when he pictures the future, he doesn’t envision me part of his. He told me that he couldn’t possibly picture himself having kids, ever, if not anytime soon. I asked if he felt relieved, he said yes. I asked if he thought he’d change his mind, he said no. That’s when I knew. I knew those two questions would help me identify the severity of the situation. It’s not all 0’s and 1’s when you’re talking to a romantic partner, but for mine, it was. It was my job in the convo to decode what he felt by listening closely to what he said.
Since then, I’ve investigated. Why? Because that’s what crazy people do. We look for shit, we try to make sense of it by finding out more information. I found an older card he had given me and compared it with a recent one. The words used in the older card compared to the most recent were shocking. I never noticed any kind of decline in his actions or at least not noticeable to where I would worry. Seeing these two cards next to each other it was clear as day….his feelings for me had changed.
I feel like a loser. I feel ugly and lame. I feel fat and stupid and lost. I’m straight out of ideas. I’ve got nothing. No plan, no idea of what’s next, nada. It’s kind of a liberating place to be, without…all the answers. And with that, I’m not going to try and figure out what’s next. Universe, use me, guide me, please show me the way.’
Remedies for this Phase
The remedies for this break up phase are focused on mood supporting oils. For me, I always need extra support emotionally with balancing my emotions. When the dumpage happened I said bye bye to balance, sent compassion on her way (who invited you anyways), ta ta to self-love, and turned up the volume on negative self-talk and self-judgment. The oils I’m featuring below support each of those areas.
Rest in the fact you are supporting yourself on a deeper than physical level when using essential oils. How? They’re plants and we’re part of the earth. Essential oils when inhaled have the ability to interact directly with our brain thru each of the oil’s unique chemical constituents impacting the chemicals our brain fires off, which then positively impacts our emotions.
Time to get connected friends. I look forward to supporting you in your essential oil healing journey, call/text anytime 209-345-2104.